Finding My Voice

Posted by: Shawn Buxton - Thursday, October 13, 2011

 Music has been a huge part of my life since I was a little girl. I spent the greater part of my childhood dancing around my room, singing everything from Disney songs to Mariah Carey ballads. The lyrics, the melodies, the rhythms, the energy...I've always been moved by music.

There's a beautiful vulnerability in music that I've always connected with. Any song we've ever heard is because a risk was taken. Someone, somewhere, in some phase of life, poured their heart out in lyrics and was brave enough to share it. We find truth in lyrics, we get lost in melodies, we rock out to riffs, we bob our heads to beats- all because musicians were brave enough to share their art with us.

I'd always dreamed of being a singer or actress in a musical on Broadway, performing over-the-top musical acts in fancy costumes (and I REALLY wanted tap shoes). I realized though, at a very young age when auditioning for a middle school production of West Side Story, that the idea of getting up in front of a room of people and singing on a stage, surrounded by talented musicians and bright lights, was terrifying. The crowd overwhelmed me. I felt uncomfortable. I didn't like the spotlight. I didn't like the risk. I felt out of control of my surroundings; I never wanted to sing on a stage again.

Being in the band at Watershed has been completely transformational. I never thought I'd find comfort on a stage or in front of a microphone, but I have. What makes this experience so different from what I've done in the past is that it's not about the performance, or about what the crowd thinks, or if I get the lines right. It's about opening my heart and using my voice to sing to God. It's not about ME.

I've heard so many people say they don't like to sing aloud because they "have a terrible voice" or "can't sing.” Every time I hear someone say this, it reminds me of making cards for my parents all the time. I'd scribble what I could in crayon, draw pictures all over it, and give it to them like it was the greatest gift they'd probably ever received. I'd sit and watch my mom as she deciphered my misspellings and messy penmanship. Her face would light up, and her eyes were full of love as she'd proudly display the card on the fridge- all because I did the best I could to show her how much I loved her.

God loves our scribbles. And our misspellings. And, I like to think that God hangs even our off-key, out-of-tune praises on his fridge.

A worship song I really connect with is Hillsong's, "From The Inside Out". One of my favorite lines is:

"..Your will above all else, my purpose remains,
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise"

Every Sunday I sing with the Watershed band, I lose a little more of myself. I am reminded that it's not about ME. Or, US. Or, our performance. Or, our voices. If there's anything I can encourage you to do, it's sing. Sing out, sing loud, sing with all you have. And, lose yourself. In losing myself, I find God. And, that's exactly what I need.

Written by Lauren Rosenau